Independent sex toy reviews, from products we own and use

Most reviews in this category are written by people who never opened the box. Ours are written about products we bought with our own money, own, and have used for months.

What we actually tell you
What it is made of
And whether that means it can genuinely be cleaned, or only rinsed.
How loud it is in practice
Through a closed door, in a shared house, at the setting you would actually use.
How it holds up
After months of ordinary use — not a single session on a bench.
What nobody mentions
The seam that traps residue. The charger you will lose. The pouch that is useless.
100%
bought at retail
0
sponsored posts
Months
not minutes
UK & US
both markets

Start here

Start here

A beginner’s buying guide, with no products in it

The four decisions that actually matter, what to ignore in the marketing, what to spend, and the two safety rules that are not negotiable.

Materials

Body-safe materials: silicone, TPE and jelly, honestly explained

Material decides whether a product can actually be cleaned. What non-porous really means, the regulatory gap most buyers assume does not exist, and three checks you can do at home.

Compatibility

Lubricant compatibility: what works with what, and what quietly ruins things

Some silicone lubricants damage some silicone toys. Oil-based lubricants weaken latex condoms. A plain compatibility table, plus a two-minute patch test that settles any pairing.

All guides →  ·  Product categories →  ·  Retailers & brands →

Reviews and research guides — the difference

There are two kinds of page here, and we label them differently on purpose.

Reviews cover products we own, bought or were given, and have lived with for weeks. They say how we got the unit, how long we have had it, and who assessed it. There are not many of these yet, because doing them honestly is slow.

Research guides cover products nobody here has owned. They pull together the manufacturer’s specification, what retailers actually charge, and the themes that recur across independent reviews and owner reports — so you can see the shape of a category before you narrow it down. Each one says plainly, at the top, that we have not tested it, and none of them carries a score from our rubric.

We would rather tell you which kind of page you are reading than quietly pass one off as the other. The full method is at How We Test.

What we do not do

We do not accept free samples in exchange for coverage. We do not run sponsored posts. We do not publish a number we have not arrived at honestly, and we do not pretend one person’s experience is a universal fact.

We also do not currently publish laboratory measurements. Decibel readings and battery runtimes require calibrated equipment, and we would rather tell you that plainly than imply a precision we do not have. When that equipment exists, measurements will be added and clearly dated — and the reviews written before then will say so.

What we can tell you now is what these products are made of, how they behave over months of real use, and what goes wrong with them. That is not everything. It is more than most.

How we are funded. Affiliate commission, disclosed on every page that carries a link. It never affects an assessment. Full detail in the affiliate disclosure and editorial policy.